


All This Fighting Isn't Good For The Heart

by DestielHardcoreLove, Swlfangirl



Series: The Midnight Ramblings [18]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Fluff and Smut, Getting Back Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 15:45:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7580155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielHardcoreLove/pseuds/DestielHardcoreLove, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swlfangirl/pseuds/Swlfangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean didn't want to leave but with all the fighting and the very little time they were spending together, Benny wasn't giving him much of a choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All This Fighting Isn't Good For The Heart

Dean let out a long shaky breath as he sifted through the bookshelf. It had been so long now he couldn't be sure how many of the titles were actually his and which ones he’d only borrowed from Benny. The few he’d remembered buying for Sam, and then keeping for himself went into the plain cardboard box, the rest he’d leave behind.

 

It wasn't supposed to be like this, it wasn't supposed to end, but he just couldn't take it anymore.

 

Dean felt alone in the house even when Benny managed to make it home at a reasonable hour. Sure, his job was the more lucrative one and Dean understood that meant more time and effort, but it was like Benny was working himself so hard that there just wasn't anything left over for Dean.

 

Between the auto shop where he worked  going through hard times and needing even more time and attention than usual and Sammy being on the outs with his wife and needing his big brother, Dean couldn’t honestly say he was putting much on the table either.

 

But he’d tried, he’d given it one last go and it just...well, it hadn't been enough…

 

_Dean smiled as the mozzarella finally bronzed to golden perfection under the harsh heat of the broiler. It was the last piece to his sure-fire way to get Benny’s attention. He'd made this meal countless times before but the one that stuck out in his mind was on their third date, that night was one of his most cherished memories._

 

_He made sure the table was set and everything was warm and inviting, at the last moment deciding to pull out some old candles from the hall closet and casting a slight glow over the the room._

 

_It was nice._

 

_Dean smiled when he heard the familiar growl of Benny’s bike pulling into the driveway. He flattened down his shirt only then noticing he still had on his apron. He pulled it off immediately and tossed it on the counter as he made his way toward the door to meet Benny for a kiss._

 

_Benny’s eyes already felt like they weighed a ton, not to mention just how much the rest of his body felt.  He thought owning his own restaurant wouldn’t have them this stressed out but when half the staff decide to call out sick, he had to done the apron once again.  Most of the time he didn’t mind it, he loved to cook but he’d been planning all day to leave early and spend some actual time with his boyfriend._

 

_Sighing heavily he somehow managed to get his legs to work and trudge into the house.  Everything was pretty hazy and damn near tunnel vision but he did focus on Dean.  His wonderful boyfriend who was putting up with all this crap.  There was a precious smile on his face that Benny kissed at, a soft hum leaving his lips as he pulled away._

 

_“I’m so exhausted, I don’t even know how I got home without crashing.  I know it’s early but wanna come to bed with me cher?” Benny asked, already walking towards their bedroom with Dean’s hand in his.  It was short lived though, Dean wasn’t moving and now there was a deep frown on his face._

 

_“Dean?”_

 

_“You're going to bed? I- don't you want dinner?” Dean asked. His hope had faded almost the second he laid eyes on Benny. It was clear that the guy was worn out but still, everyone needed to eat, right?_

 

_“I don’t think I even have the energy to eat right now,” Benny chuckled a little, he tried to tug on Dean’s hand to get him to follow again but it was pulled sharply out of his own._

 

_“Sweetheart…”_

 

_“You go on to bed, I've got food to put away.” Dean tried and failed to not sound bitter over it all. He’d left the shop three hours early to cook and not a single bite of it was going to be eaten. When he realized how upset he was making Benny, Dean covered as best he could by turning back to face him with a forced smile, “Seriously, you look half dead...just go to bed. I'll be in later.”_

 

_Benny blamed the fact that he was nearly delirious with exhaustion when he felt his eyes burning with tears.  He was beyond frustrated that this whole thing was wedging itself between him and Dean, that they hadn’t spent time together in what felt like ages.  Don’t even get him started on how long it’s been since the last time they were intimate with each other._

 

_He grabbed at Dean’s hand again, wanting to apologize and that he could try to stay awake but Dean jerked away from him again.  All he could do was stand there as Dean disappeared around the corner into the dining room where now he could actually smell the fresh food Dean must have cooked for them._

 

_“God dammit,” Benny cursed, rubbing hard at his eyes until they felt raw.  Taking in a deep breath he pushed himself into the dining room and wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist._

 

_“I’m sorry,” Benny whispered, his voice becoming a traitor with how badly it broke._

 

_As nice as it was to feel Benny’s warmth around him again it only brought with it the pain and knowledge that it was guilt that brought him in, not anything stupid like an actual desire to spend time with him. If Dean had kept his fucking emotions in check it would be like almost every other night.  Benny would come in looking rough and ragged and go to bed with something about being too tired to eat or even more likely that he'd already eaten at the restaurant. It was too much._

 

_“Just, go get some sleep. You need the rest and I need to cleanup,” he answered, leaning forward to blow out the candles. Pointedly not turning around as he walked out of Benny’s grip._

 

_Benny just stood there for a minute before nodding mostly to himself.  There wasn’t anything more he could say than that he was sorry but Dean deserved and wanted more._

 

_He slipped back into the hall and didn’t even bother changing, just stripped down to his boxers and fell face first onto his bed.  If a few tears decided to fall, no one was there to see it._

 

_Dean wiped at his eyes as he shoved the whole dinner into plastic containers and ziplock bags. Nearly three hours and far too much hope wasted on one evening. He knew he wasn’t really being fair to Benny but even Dean could only take so much._

 

_Once the food was out away and the house was locked up tight. Dean turned on the tv in an attempt to drown out his thoughts, or maybe just his tears._

 

_Dean stretched out on the couch, and pulled the soft throw from the back of it and covered himself up. It wasn't the first time he hadn't slept in their bed but it might be the first Benny noticed._

 

Benny pulled into the driveway and nearly laughed, it was the first time in forever he was home before the sun came down and he wasn’t bone tired.  He got off his bike and pulled out the deep red rose he’d picked up from Cas’s flower shop on the way home.  Dean wasn’t usually into things like that but Benny hoped he would catch the sentiment.  On their very first date Benny had nervously given him a nearly squashed red rose.  

 

Benny nearly crashed through the house, dropping his crap off haphazardly along the way, “Dean?  I’m home!”

 

He finally found his boyfriend in the living room and couldn’t help the huge smile on his face, “Sweetheart I finally got out of there-” Benny stopped mid sentence, the air in his lungs leaving him in a whoosh.  There were boxes everywhere, more than half were already full and taped up.

 

“Of course you did,” Dean bit out. It figured that the one time he'd given up begging for Benny to come in before dinner time; smiling and happy, was exactly when it happened.

 

“That’s good, Ben. Maybe you can get caught up on your sleep,” Dean offered, a crack rumbling through his voice as the bitter words worked their way free from his throat.

 

“What the hell is all this Dean?” Benny demanded, moving so that he was in front of him.  He knew things were bad but he didn’t know that it was _this_ bad!  He fought the surge of panic rising up in his chest but when Dean wouldn’t even look at him he got angry.

 

“You’re really gonna leave?  After everything we’ve been through?” Benny asked, his fingers tightening around the stem of the rose.  Part of him was glad for Castiel removing the thorns but the other part wished they were still there.  Maybe then he wouldn’t feel like his entire world was about to crash.

 

Dean let out a sharp, pained laugh. “Nah, just woke up today thinking how fun it could be to pack all of my shit into boxes for no reason.”

 

He finished filling the box with a couple did he recognized as his, and then started to tape it up. When he heard the growl from Benny he finally turned to face him. “I just can't do this anymore, Ben.”

 

“Dean…” Benny let out a frustrated groan and tossed the rose on the couch next to Dean’s box and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes.

 

“I tried to warn you how difficult it was going to be opening this restaurant and how busy it would eventually be but you were nothing but insistent on me doing this.  Saying you’d fucking support me through it and whatever else you lied about.”

 

Dean opened his mouth to speak but Benny yelled over him, “And it’s not like things on your end have been fucking easy either Dean!  Do you even realize the times that YOU have come home exhausted out of your mind because of the shop or your brother?”

 

Dean bit back his anger, yelling back at Benny really wouldn't help anything and as much as he wanted to get lost in the argument, he couldn't let himself be distracted. He spun around until he could look into the soft blue of Benny’s eyes once again.

 

Swallowing hard and trying not to sound like the wrong answer would break him, Dean spoke again. “I will gladly forget this whole thing, unpack every box myself if you can tell me how long it's been since I slept in our bed.”

 

Benny swallowed hard, his eyes tightening almost painfully.  He knew it’d been a while but he couldn't remember exactly. The only one that stood out was the night Dean had tried to make him dinner.

 

Instead of answering he slowly moved over to the loveseat and sank down, his head falling into his hands, “I’m sorry Dean, I’m so fucking sorry,” he mumbled.

 

“I know you are, and I know you love me...but neither of us are happy anymore, Benny. We are constantly fighting to get time together and when it doesn't work, like it never seems to do, we feel guilty and angry and bitter and it's just not right anymore,” Dean confessed, his eyes burning at the edges. He knew it would be hard, Benny feels like his whole world, feels like his everything. It's just not enough.

 

“What…” Benny tried to swallow around the huge knot in his throat while his hands started to twitch.  His entire body was starting to tremble and he was sure Dean could see it from where he was standing.

 

“I don’t even know what I’m gonna do…” Benny couldn’t even finish the line... _without you._  They’d been together for so long Benny didn’t even remember what it was like to be single.  He didn’t want to.  

 

Dean turned away, unable to keep his eyes trained on Benny for any longer. His voice was harsh and gruff with pain, “You’ll do the same thing you're doing now. You'll go to work, come home, go to bed alone, and eventually it’ll get better.”

 

 _At least I hope it does_ , he told himself.

 

Benny merely nodded, not knowing what else to do.  He slowly rose up from the couch and patted his pockets before remembering he left his keys by the door, “I’ll um...I’m gonna go to Vic’s house so you can finish.”

 

He forced himself to look at Dean one more time before forcing himself towards the front door, “Goodbye Dean.”

 

“Hey Ben, just so you know….It's been forty three days since I slept in our bed.” Dean answered, unable to bring himself to say goodbye. He sniffled a little and wiped at his eyes before reaching for another box, grateful not for the first time that his back was to Benny.

 

“I’m sorry…” Benny whispered before punching at the wall, not even caring that there was now a hole and his hand hurt like hell.

 

“I-I hope you can you find someone who’ll treat you better sweetheart,” Benny said and then walked out the door.  He climbed up on his bike and didn’t even hesitate turning it on and tearing through the street.

 

Dean crumpled down to the floor as the sound of the bike’s noisy engine was ripped from the driveway. He held his head in his hands and let everything break.

 

He sat there for what felt like forever until his cheeks were raw and numb, a constant string of “It’s not supposed to be like this,” and “We were so goddamn happy,” as he shuffled through the many happy memories they shared together.

 

_Dean checked his hair for the fourth time but finally forces himself away from the mirror. It's almost time and he doesn't want to be late for their first date, screwing up this early in the game wasn't in the plans. He had to make Benny fall in love with him before he could slack off, he thought, smiling to himself._

 

_Grabbing up his keys he felt a little less nervous, his baby always got him where he needed to be on time._

 

_Benny chewed on his thumbnail nervously, his eyes constantly scanning the parking lot for Dean’s beloved car.  He couldn't believe that they were finally here, going on a date when Dean had turned him down so many times before.  He didn’t know what changed but he wasn’t going to start questioning it.  They’d been friends for years and if Benny was being honest, he’d had a crush on the man from day one._

 

_Finally he heard the familiar grumbling and grinned wide, watching as Dean pulled into the open spot next to his bike.  And of course when Dean finally stepped out, he was gorgeous as ever._

 

_“Heya Dean,” he said with a shy smile.  He was nervous of screwing this up and making Dean rethink this whole idea of them dating.  Before Dean could reply he quickly fumbled with one of the side bags and blushed an embarrassing shade of red when he pulled out the now squished dark red rose._

 

_“S-Sorry,” he laughed, stepping a bit closer to Dean to hand it to him._

 

_Dean smiled, trying not to laugh as he took in the sight of the poor thing. It was clear that Benny was as nervous as he was if not more, so he let his own anxiety slip away, wanting immediately to calm his friend down. Dean pulled him in close and grinned, “Don’t worry, I’ll have Charlie or Gilda show me how to turn it into a keepsake, or somethin’. Once it’s spent thirty or forty years being pressed into a book, nobody will even know it was flat from the beginning.”_

 

_Benny grinned and hesitantly put one of his hands on Dean’s waist, “You'd really keep it that long?”_

 

_“Ya never know, maybe my future husband or wife will think it's sweet.” Dean teased, taking a slight tap of Benny’s fist to his shoulder._

 

_“Ha ha funny, c’mon cher, I’m hungry,” Benny smiled, taking Dean’s hand to lead him into the bar where the music Dean loved so much blared through the speakers.  Things were gonna be okay...Benny felt himself smirk when Dean slipped his arm around him...nah, things were gonna be perfect._

* * *

 

  


~Four Months Later~

  


Castiel hummed softly to himself as he hurried around the shop.  It was finally spring and his new shipment had arrived earlier that morning.  Delivery days were his absolute favorite ones, where he got to clean up the shop and rearrange everything with the new flowers and plants.  Not to mention all the new scents wafting around him.  It was pure heaven.  

 

There was a ding from his pocket and sighed, knowing it was one of two people.  Being a best friend to both sides of a bad break up was beyond stressing him out.  The first month had been horrible, he didn’t know who’s side to be on or who to even console more than the other.  So, he just went to whoever called him first and tried to listen the best he could.  It seemed to be getting a little better...well with Dean anyway.  He hadn’t heard from him much the past couple of weeks where as Benny was just crashing hard.

 

Victor and himself were scrambling trying to keep their friend from losing his brand new restaurant and finally managed to get him to even leave his house.  Now he just drowned in the work.  Even talking about opening another location.  Thankfully Victor talked him out of that one.  

 

Castiel pulled out his phone and frowned, he was expecting it to be from Benny but it was actually Dean, letting him know he was heading over to the shop.  He was hoping to have heard from Benny by now, he was dying to know how last night went.  It was Victor’s idea but Castiel had helped convincing Benny to get out and maybe go on a date.  Which the man had barely shrugged at.

 

Rolling his eyes a bit he messaged Dean back letting him know that it was fine and that he’d most likely be in the back.

 

Dean felt a swoop in his gut every time he came to Cas’ place. It reminded him of too many things and the memory of his and Benny’s relationship haunted him most, there. It had been months and it hadn't got any easier, Dean just got better at pretending everything was okay. But Cas could usually see right through him, there was a reason he was avoiding him, afterall.

 

When he stepped in through the door, there were multiple voices in the back. It threw him off a little but he got closer.

 

Castiel stared at Samandriel with a quirked brow, he hadn’t expected for their newest friend to barge in only a minute after receiving the text from Dean and begin talking all excitedly about his date with Benny.  As it was Castiel was having a hard time getting the kid to shut up.

 

“So, I take that it went well?” Castiel laughed a little.

 

“Oh yes! Benny is so sweet. He took me to see Fiddler in the park last night. The show was perfect and I had a wonderful time. I really hope he calls me,” Samandriel admitted, smiling at just the thought of Benny. He was quieter than Samandriel was used to, but such a perfect gentleman. He wasn't sure he’d ever had his hand kissed before. It was so romantic.

 

Castiel laughed a little, “Well I'm glad you had a great time!” He nodded along as Samandriel babbled almost endlessly about the date.  The bell he had over his door barely even registered in his head.

 

He felt this weird itchiness under his skin. Dean convinced himself he’d misheard. After all it wasn't as if he was close enough to make out every syllable. It could literally be anyone they were talking abou-.

 

When he heard Cas’ voice pick back up, Dean immediately shushed the loud roar inside his head. Inching closer toward the back room, while trying not to make himself too obvious.

 

“Well of course he’s a gentleman!  You think I'd call Benny my best friend if he weren't?” Castiel laughed a little, “After everything that guy has been through, I'm glad he could find a few hours of being happy at least.”

 

Dean’s whole body felt like he was dunked on a frozen lake. Icy cold tendrils spinning through his veins as he struggled to find air. Benny was dating, he was dating and _happy._

 

 _“What have I done?”_ He whispered to himself, leaning against the wall to avoid crumbling down into a messy heap.

 

Of all the things he’d expected, somehow this hadn't even occurred to him. It's been months though, 134 days since Dean packed his shit and left the love of his life to pick up the pieces.

 

 _How had he been so goddamn foolish_.

 

Of course Benny was dating again. The man was a fucking catch, anyone could see that. He’d probably had offers spilling out his ass over the last few months and now that Dean was gone...there was nothing to stop him.

 

Dean felt his chest rattle as his grip dug into the smooth wood grain of Castiel’s doorway. His breath heavy in his lungs like an anvil sitting on his chest. His vision blurred at the edges but he was standing shock still, unable to move even a little with his head swirling and his gut sinking toward the ground.

 

Castiel froze, there was a gasping keening sound coming from the front.  Dropping everything in his hands he ran around the corner and felt his stomach drop.  He had totally forgot Dean was stopping by!  Samandriel had followed him and he quickly shook his head.

 

“You should go Samandriel, I'll explain later,” he said in a rush, turning his attention back to his other best friend.  He wasn't even aware what Samandriel ended up doing, he stepped around Dean and quickly flipped the sign to closed before dropping to his knees next to Dean.

 

“De?  Can u hear me?  I'm so sorry you heard that…”

 

Dean struggled to find air and even though he could hear small bits and pieces of what Cas was saying, none of it fully registered. He slammed his eyes shut and took deep shaky breaths trying to get himself under control. “I-I, can't. No… c-can't lose him.”

 

Castiel sighed heavily and somehow managed to get Dean up and into one of his chairs.  The poor guy was pale, all the color in his face gone.  He tried to run his fingers through Dean’s hair but it wasn't working.  Finally he just grabbed a cold water bottle and splashed it directly in his face.

 

“Dean, if you didn't want to lose him why did you break up with him in the first place?” Castiel asked, kneeling down at Dean's feet.

 

The chilled water did wonders for bringing him back to the moment, though it was still difficult to make his mouth move the way he wanted. Eventually he had enough air to let out his response, voice trembling softly under the panicked nerves in his gut. “I thought-I mean, I hoped he’d figure it out. That he’d come back, fight for me. If not immediately, then at least once the restaurant...God I'm so stupid. I- _FUCK_ , Cas what have I done?”

 

Castiel reached up and cupped the sides of Dean’s face, “Just go talk to him Dean.  That's the problem with both of you, you don't communicate your problems, just stow it away hoping the person you're mad at will notice and say something.  I love you both but you're infuriating,” Castiel huffed out a laugh.

 

Dean let out an indignant squawk. “I can't just show up after _months_ of radio silence! Especially not if he's dating someone, that's a dick move even _I'm_ not comfortable making!”

 

He let out a pained sigh, pulling at the loose thread on his jeans as he fought back the tears. “I’m not gonna get in the way if he’s happy. I can’t.”

 

“Alright, I’m going to end up slapping you I swear,” Castiel grumbled something as he searched out his phone.  He pulled up the message that Benny had told him his schedule and went back to where Dean was still sulking.

 

“You know Benny better than anyone including yourself right?” Castiel asked.

 

“Uh...I mean, yeah I guess. What’s that go-”

 

“Then see for yourself if he’s really happy.  He’s at the restaurant playing bartender tonight.  And the only reason why he’s so called dating now is because Victor and I made him,” Castiel said patting Dean’s cheek.

 

Dean blinked back at his friend, his eyes heavy with the knowledge that the date hadn't been Benny's idea afterall. It didn't mean anything, maybe he had a great time, maybe it was just as amazing as that fucking _twink_ described. But he knew the moment Cas suggested it that even if it wrecked him, Dean had to know. He had to see Benny's happiness with his own two eyes before he walked away for good.

 

His heart was unsteady, but he finally managed a shaky, “Okay.”

 

“Good.  Now, I know how horrible you’ve been at actually taking care of yourself so i’m going to forfeit my pie my brother brought to me personally and you’re gonna eat it.  Whether I have to shove it down your throat or you do it on your own, I’ll leave that choice to you,” Castiel grinned, kissing his friend’s forehead before disappearing to the back of the shop.  He was just about to text Victor when he put his phone down instead.  Benny and Dean needed to figure this out and he knew the minute he told Vic, he’d tell Benny.  And that’s not how this needed to pan out.  

 

He grabbed up the pie from his fridge, thankful that Gabriel always had the foresight that he’d end up sharing with someone and always gave him two slices.  When he made it back to where Dean was sitting he pushed the container into his hands and stood there waiting.

 

“You're seriously giving me pie right now? I mean ...y’know how much I love pie, Cas but I need to go, I’ve gotta go see Benny.” Dean said, pushing the container onto the counter completely ignoring his favorite dessert.

 

He spun around to leave but felt a warm hand on his shoulder making him pause.

 

“Good choice,” Castiel said before pulling Dean into a hug.  Laughing a little he pushed him playfully towards the door and shook his head.  

 

* * *

 

Dean tried to keep his head down as he slipped into the resturaunt. Too many of the wait staff knew him so he had to be cautious. The last thing he wanted was for Benny to think he was spying on him or something, even though technically it _was_ what he was doing.

 

He took a seat in a corner booth just far enough away that he could keep an eye on the bar but not be seen from it, probably, he hoped at least. Dean breathed a sigh of relief when the waiter that approached him was a new hire and not someone who would recognize him and blow his cover.

 

Without thinking, Dean ordered his usual. When the waiter finally left him in peace, Dean relaxed into his seat and watched as the gorgeous man who’d stolen his heart moved gracefully behind the bar.

 

Benny was working himself to the bone and everyone knew it.  He stopped denying it a few weeks ago when Castiel shoved him on a scale to prove just how much weight he’d lost.  It wasn’t his fault he forgot to eat more than once a day.  Work was what he had now and it was what he poured everything into.  There was no one at home to go to and he was even contemplating selling it.  Even with Dean’s stuff missing the guy haunted it.  So now, unbeknownst to Castiel and Victor, his two most meddlesome friends, he had a cot in his office he was using to catch a few naps here and there.

 

“Hey Boss, I need a Rum and Coke,” Aaron, one of his newest hires called out.  Just as he grabbed the glass Aaron tapped at the bar with a grimace on his face.

 

“What?” Benny shot out.  

 

“Do we even have cherry coke?  Cause that’s what the customer asked for but I wasn’t sure…” Aaron replied.  Benny’s body tensed up so hard he could feel a cramp immediately forming in his shoulders.  Cherry coke wasn’t something he advertised, it was a specialty flavor he ordered only for Dean.  Why he even still had the damn thing attached was beyond him but he didn’t have the heart to disconnect it.  

 

His hands shook as he grabbed up the nozzle, it was almost like a betrayal to make this drink for anyone other than his boy-, ex-boyfriend.  Benny swallowed thickly and got his head to move in a jerkish nod.

 

“Y-Yeah...just, not too many people order it,” he finally managed to get out.  Aaron simply nodded.  Benny pushed the drink towards Aaron’s waiting tray and collapsed back against the bar.  He couldn't do this anymore, the moment he thought he was getting better something like this always bit him right in the ass.  Just the other night he finally agreed to go out with one of Castiel’s friends, Samandriel.  He was a sweet kid and Benny had tried so hard to have fun.  But by the end of the night Samandriel wasn’t Dean.  

 

Dean watched in awe as Benny’s whole body tensed. God, he was so damn stupid. He hadn't even thought about it, just ordered the drink like he always did and he’d known exactly how big of a mistake that was when Benny’s face fell.

 

It was almost like Dean was watching his own damn heartbreak all over again. Even if it was technically Benny’s disappointment at the reminder, Dean hated the sight of Benny’s face pale and ghastly, noticing further just how small the man’s frame had gotten.

 

He was actually surprised to see there wasn't any residual anger. Dean assumed Benny would still be rightfully pissed off at him, at how he’d left. But instead of rage or disgust he watched the man he loved crumple internally.

 

When the waiter brought the drink over, he attempted to flirt but Dean had zero interest. Instead he bit his lip and decided to make a bold move and pray to anything that might be listening, that he wouldn’t make things worse.

 

Taking a twenty from his wallet and pushed it toward the kid, inching further into the booth where his back was to the bar. “This twenty is yours if you take this drink back over there and tell the hot bartender that I said it didn't taste right.”

 

“Sure thing,” Aaron laughed, taking the money and the glass with him back over to Benny.

 

Benny wasn’t really paying attention when something smacked onto the counter behind him.  Aaron was back with the drink he had just made and he frowned at the kid.

 

“What now?” he asked.

 

“Customer said this didn’t taste right,” Aaron said simply.  Benny frowned deep, downing the drink down himself.  It tasted just fine!

 

“Whatever,” he growled, making a new one and this time, made it exactly the way Dean liked it.  Even though it was ripping his heart in half, he did it.  His fingers nearly squished the damn cherry but he managed to get it on there without too much bruising.

 

“If they don’t like it this time they can kiss my ass,” Benny spat out.  Aaron looked a bit nervous but he took up the glass and thankfully scrambled away.

 

Dean was disappointed to see another drink sliding across the table, but he didn't let it slow him down. Dean held up a finger holding the waiter there as he smirked and downed half the glass, before sliding it back across the table. “Tell him, this one was even worse and that I'd like to speak with the owner.”

 

It should be enough to get Benny’s attention, Dean was sure of it. If nothing else Benny will be pissed to see half the glass gone and still have a complaint.

 

“A-Are you serious?” Aaron asked, his back going rigid when he got a slow nod from his customer.  Oh god, Benny was gonna eat this guy alive.

 

Benny’s face turned red when he saw Aaron coming back with a half finished drink but even the cherry was missing.  When Aaron said the guy wanted to see the owner Benny was fuming.  Where the hell did this guy think he was?  Some 5 Star resort restaurant?  Benny snatched up the glass and stormed over to where Aaron was pointing.  He couldn't see the guys face but even if the back of his head struck a familiar chord he ignored it.  

 

Benny slammed the drink down on the table, “What’s the problem this ti- Dean?!” Benny damn near choked on the sudden intake of breath.  Was this some kind of sick joke now?  

 

“Hey, Ben...can we talk?” Dean was nervous as hell, heart hammering wildly in his chest. It was hard but he forced a small smile hoping that Benny wouldn't turn him away.

 

Benny nervously rubbed the back of his neck as he glanced around.  If he was honest they really didn’t need him behind the bar but did he really want to have this conversation here in the middle of his restaurant.  And what did Dean have to say to him now that took four months to come up with?

 

Without really answering he sunk down in the booth across from him and kept his eyes fixed on his slightly trembling hands on the table.

 

“Full disclosure, I know about the um-the date. It's probably not going to help my case here but I didn't want to hide it,” Dean swallowed hard, his throat clenching painfully around a heavy lump. “If you never want to see me again after this,  I understand but I'm hoping you’ll let me say my peace.”

 

Benny bit his lip but nodded anyway, only giving Dean a quick glance before staring at his fingers once again.

 

“Look, I know I was stupid okay...I know it's stupid but I really never thought you’- that you’d move on and I should have said something sooner but I kept telling myself that when you finally got the restaurant under control that you'd, that you would y’know come find me...or something. That you’d try to get me back.”

 

The words are spilling from his mouth at an alarming rate but it doesn't seem to be slowing him down at all. “I shouldn’t have put it all on you. I was the one that left, it was me that tore us apart I just...I just kept hoping and when I realized it might be too late-.” He can't finish, the next words are caught in his throat as he’s practically transported back to the moment when he overheard the conversation that turned his world upside down.

 

“Dean…” Benny hesitantly reached across the table and smoothed his hand over Dean’s, both of them trembling far too much.  He wanted nothing more than to crawl in on the other side and pull Dean close, to reassure him that it wasn’t too late.  But what if it was?  Dean had been right, they were happy but then the fighting started and never seemed to stop.  

 

“I-It wasn’t just on you...it was both of us.  You were so mad at me, I didn’t think me trying to persuade you into staying was something you wanted.  I just wanted to do whatever would make you happy but I screwed that up, again,” Benny said softly.

 

Dean shook his head, blinking back the painful tightness in the corners of his eyes. “No, that-you're not a mind reader, Benny. I should have told you, but when we started fighting we stopped talking and that made it worse.”

 

Letting out a shaky sigh, Dean tried to finish his thoughts. “Don't get me wrong, I was mad, hell I was pissed but I still loved you, still wanted you. I just couldn't stand being disappointed and then feeling so damn guilty for being disappointed.”

 

With his voice softer, quieter, Dean confessed. “I really did think that you’d come for me. That all we needed was a little time.”

 

Benny frowned and withdrew his hand, letting both fall into his lap, “I’m sorry for disappointing you so much sweet-” Benny squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head harshly, “Dean...I don’t know how else to tell you how sorry I am.”  

 

“I’m uh, thinking of selling the house...unless you want it?” Benny said suddenly.  It wasn’t even a steadfast decision he had made but seeing Dean this close reminded him just how torn up he was inside.  He needed to get out of Louisiana, it was becoming way too much.

 

A hammer hit hard inside his chest as Benny mentioned selling their house. He loved that house, wanted to live in it, maybe raise a family there, grow old in it. The last thing he wanted was for Benny to toss it away. He’d almost completely overlooked the first part of the statement until the words played over in his head.

 

“Woah now, _you, Benny Lafitte_ are not a disappointment. I was never disappointed with you I was let down every time I let myself hope that we could get time together or that everything was just going to be great again without me needing to say anything,” Dean admitted, pulling Benny’s hand into his own. “You were _NEVER_ the problem. It was always about time or lack of communication and a lot of stubbornness and wishful thinking on my part.”

 

Benny nodded minutely, he was trying to get his hand to behave but he couldn’t help clinging to Dean’s.  He did manage to fight back the undignified whimper that so badly wanted to break free.  Though he was breaking apart at the seams, something Dean had said to him on their last day together was gnawing at his chest and he gave Dean a pained smile.

 

“177 days,” he said softly, the number making his stomach flip and curl until he felt like he was ready to throw up.

 

“No,” Dean frowned in confusion. “It's been a-.”

 

Dean stopped when the numbers fell into place, his breathing stilted at best. He swallowed hard and hoped that he wouldn't just fall apart. He stared at Benny with awe, unable to get out any of the words he needed to say.

 

“I’ve been counting,” Benny said with a very small smile.  The need to pull Dean into his arms was almost too great again but he was able to stave it off with squeezing the man’s hand instead.  He didn’t really know what this conversation did for either of them and he’d be lying if said he wasn’t happy to see Dean but he felt like he was dying all over again.

 

“I um...I better get back,” he said, the stupid tears quickly forming in his eyes again.

 

“No!” Dean rushed forward, grabbing at any part of Benny he could reach. “I still love you,” he blurted out, his whole body shaking at the thought of losing Benny all over again.

 

When Benny turned to face him, Dean couldn't help but continue, his heart racing and his palms sweating.

 

“Ben, I love you. I have always loved you. You said that you didn't come after me because you wanted me to have what I want, what would make me happy,” he paused, nervously licking his lips. “I want what I've always wanted. What I've been dreaming about since ages before I said yes to that first date...I want you.”

 

Benny got up from the table and the quick flash of pain on Dean’s face nearly made his knees buckle but he managed to yank Dean up as well, his arms instantly pulling him in.  A soft groan left his lips at how good it felt to have Dean back where he belonged.

 

“Shh, hey, it’s okay Dean, I’ve got you,” Benny cooed the moment he heard that slight mewl of panic in the back of Dean’s throat.

 

“I fucking love you so much cher,” he said softly against his ear.  There were people staring at him now and his employees that knew the story were cheering.  Usually he’d get embarrassed but he couldn’t even muster up the strength to tell them to go to hell.  Dean was clinging to him and that’s all that mattered right at that moment.  He did manage to get them back to his office without letting go of the other too much.

 

Dean was never more grateful for the strength and solidity of Benny’s muscular arms. He was sure he’d have ended up on the floor had it not been for Benny’s quick reflexes and comforting hold. He wanted nothing more than to surge forward and claim Benny’s mouth in front of the whole damn room, but his body was weak and the next thing he knew they were in the office.

 

He eyed the odd looking mattress warily, before turning his gaze back on Benny. “Why is there a cot in your office?”

 

Benny flushed a bit and shrugged, looking down at his feet a bit with shame, “I um, can’t stand to be at the house alone.  So I’ve been sleeping here,” he said quietly.

 

Dean wasn't sure if what came out of him was more of a groan or a whimper, but he hated the idea of Benny spending his nights curled up on that thin, probably moldy fucking mattress. “Well maybe next time you spend the night in our bed, you won't be so alone.”

 

Benny grinned, his hands aching to touch and relearn every inch of Dean’s body.  He pulled him in close and pressed their foreheads together, “I can’t wait cher, let’s go home.”

 

* * *

 

Benny woke up early the next morning with a smile already plastered on his face.  They were in their bed, warm and for the first time in a long while, Benny didn’t feel uncomfortable under his skin.  Dean was still fast asleep, snoring softly on his side.  At some point during the night Benny had managed to untangle himself from Dean to lay on his back.  That just wouldn’t do.  Smiling, he rolled over to drape his arm back over Dean’s waist, his mouth quickly going to work on pressing feather light kisses along his neck.

 

For whatever the reason was that brought Dean into the restaurant last night he was grateful for it.  They had stumbled into the house kissing but Benny had somehow pulled himself away so they could curl up with each other on the couch and talk.  With several promises from both sides they found themselves both relieved and exhausted from the intense emotional roller coaster.  

 

Though they weren’t too tired for the amazing almost frantic sex that came later.  It had felt amazing to have Dean in his arms crying out for him.  He had missed that so much.  How he let Dean go was beyond him but now he had him back and he’d be damned to let things get that bad again.

 

Dean was having an amazing dream, Benny's thick muscular arms wrapped around him, the soft scratch of stubble on his shoulder as Benny’s experienced mouth left kisses and bites down the side of his throat. “Mmm,” he mumbled to himself, fighting off the morning even though he was already half hard from the warm illusion.

 

_He didn't want to wake up again, cold and alone._

 

Benny grinned, dragging his teeth over one of the many prominent hickies he’d left all over Dean’s body last night.  It had been mostly a selfish need to mark his boyfriend as his again but Dean loved it, always had.  Benny latched onto an unmarked part of Dean’s shoulder and began to drag his fingers lazily over Dean’s chest and stomach, stopping just an inch shy of Dean’s groin.

 

A soft chuckle left his lips when Dean’s hips pushed back against him with absolutely no coordination.  Benny scooted closer until his budding erection pressed right against the crack of Dean’s ass.

 

Blinking himself awake, Dean froze for a split second. His eyes lazily moving over the familiar layout of their bedroom, scanning to take in the bathroom tile as well. He’d never managed this much detail before. Then there was a heated press of Benny behind him and all the sudden the memories flooded back.

 

 _It was real._ _Holy fuck, it’s not a dream._ He actually had Benny back and they were waking up in _their_ home, together. “Mm-love you _.”_

 

“Love you too sweetheart,” Benny smiled, nibbling up Dean’s neck to start sucking on his earlobe, “You sleep okay?” he asked as his hand dragged down Dean’s stomach.  The more Dean woke up, the more his body was as well, his cock was more than half hard and Benny grinned.  Just as Dean was about to answer he groaned softly the moment Benny gripped him at the base.

 

The familiar feeling of Benny’s hands on him had been all but forgotten, almost. Dean only now realizing just how much he’d gotten wrong in his ridiculous attempts at trying to remember everything. Unable to keep his hips still, Dean rocked forward and rolled back to run against the delicious line of Benny’s thick cock. “Fuuuh-ck.”

 

As soon as he could calm himself down a bit, Dean responded. “Better than I have in months, ungh-you?”

 

“So good, missed waking up with you snuggled up next to me,” Benny smiled, his strokes on Dean’s cock slow and lazy.  His other hand got a little more devious and traced at Dean’s entrance, happy that his boyfriend was still wet and slightly loose from last night.

 

“You sore at all?” he asked, slowly slipping his thumb just past the rim.

 

Dean shook his head immediately, panting a little as Benny’s hand brought him closer to the edge. It didn't matter that Benny was using uneven slow paced jerks, he could feel the tightening low in his gut. It had been far too long. “Not in a bad way, I-ungh, fuck Ben...I'm gonna lose it if you don't stop. I've missed your hands on me.”

 

“Just relax into it sweetheart, I’ve got all day to take you part over and over again.  I plan on making it extremely difficult for you to walk by the time I’m done with you,” Benny chuckled getting his whole thumb into Dean.  The rest of his fingers massaged at the space just behind Dean’s balls and his heart thumped wildly as his boyfriend’s back arched with a whine.  

 

“I mean it cher, there is no other place I’d rather be than here.  Pamela and Lizzy can handle things while I take care of you.  Things are going to be different this time, I promise,” Benny said softly against Dean’s ear, both of his hands picking up speed.

 

Pleasure snaked throughout Dean’s entire body, surging to meet in the middle as the pressure built even higher. His hands began to tremble as they clutched at the sheets searching for an anchor to the moment.

 

“I’m gonna c-,” Dean  panted, unable to even finish the phrase before white heat exploded behind his eyes and his orgasm spilled over Benny’s fist.

 

“That’s it baby,” Benny cooed, stroking him slowly through his orgasm.  When he finally stopped twitching, Benny brought his hand up to his mouth and licked it clean.  “Mmm, damn I missed the way you taste Dean,” he growled out, gently moving Dean on his back before scooting down to pull Dean’s soft cock into his mouth.  Just as Dean started to whine at being too sensitive Benny moved onto marking the insides of Dean’s thighs.

 

“Fuckin beautiful,” Benny moaned.

 

“You're too fucking much. Holy shit, Ben. I think part of my brain has shut down,” Dean laughed, his hands immediately moving down to grab at Benny’s short hair.

 

“Don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll take care of ya,” Benny said with a leer.  He was still hard and aching to get back inside of Dean but he was patient, continuing on with the soft nibbles and kisses to Dean’s thighs.  Slowly he made his way up to where he was hovering over Dean and pecked at his lips.  

 

Dean’s eyes were pretty glassed over and his mouth opened in a soft o.  Benny kissed all over his face then to his ear, “I’m going to fuck you now sweetheart, nice and hard like you love it.  But, I’ll let you choose what position you want first,” Benny chuckled.

 

“Decision making with half a brain, easy.” His hands flew to pull Benny in tighter into his neck, loving the delicious sucks and nibbles his boyfriend made there. “Mmm, how-ungh God that mouth, how about we stay like this. I want to see your ahh-fuck, see your face.”

 

“Mmm, good,” Benny drew up Dean’s legs until they were caging Benny’s hips in but they lazily fell open making him snort against his boyfriend's neck.  Benny managed to slide a pillow under his hips, Dean was practically useless at the moment.

 

“You look so fucking beautiful like this baby,” Benny said as he lined up to start pushing into that tight heat again.  He let out a load groan but somehow kept his hips under control as he kept it slow until he was flush against Dean.

 

“Ahh, fuck. That’s it, Ben. You feel so friggin good, fill me up perfectly.” Dean moaned and tried to focus on the moment and how gorgeous Benny looked when he finally sank into him fully.

 

Feeling a little overwhelmed with emotion, Dean lifted his hands to the sides of Benny’s face, staring until Benny grave him a curious look. “Just savoring, there for a few minutes I thought I'd never get to have this again. Now I just want to memorize everything.”

 

Benny swallowed hard, the back of his eyes tightening as he continued to gaze down into Dean's eyes.  They were so bright and clear now, so beautifully green that he had to kiss at Dean's lips as his hips started to move slowly at first.  He'd pick up the pace in a moment but like Dean, he had to memorize the look on his boyfriend's face.

 

Dean’s forced to shut his eyes when Benny pulled out a bit and swirled his hips before snapping back inside him. They'd flutter closed as the thrill of pleasure gushed through each and every limb. “Mmm fuck I've missed you.”

 

Benny wrapped his arms tightly around Dean, holding him close as he sped up his hips.  The bed creaked loudly, making them both laugh breathlessly.

 

“Missed you too baby, so fuucking much,” Benny growled low in his throat.  Dean was hard again, his length squished between them and already leaking.  Soon he’d reach between them and begin to stroke Dean’s cock but for now he focused on holding Dean and fucking into him.  

 

“You're so damn good at this, you ungh-always make me feel so good,” Dean admitted, the last part coming out between grunted moans and heated pants. He’d never been shy about accepting casual sex before Benny but once they finally came together Dean had known that no one would compare. Even with all of his experience Dean couldn't remember one single lover that could compare to Benny’s natural talent for wrecking him so beautifully.

 

“So perfect for me, Ben….I-I can't lose y-, not again.” he choked out. Unable to finish that part of his thought, he just stopped. It didn't matter, he knew Benny would understand.

 

Benny kissed all over Dean’s face again before pressing their foreheads together, “You won’t, I swear it Dean.  I’m never letting your ass outta my sight,” Benny grinned, nibbling at Dean’s bottom lip just as he angled his hips to hit right at Dean’s prostate perfectly.

 

“Mm yeah, fuck you feel so good,” Benny groaned, driving his hips harder and faster.

 

Dean hissed out a curse as Benny prodded at the perfect spot inside him. He knew it would be damn near impossible to keep his hips still if not for the thick, strong hands on him and Benny’s gorgeous body pinning him down. Powerful waves of intense pressure began to build and Dran could practically feel himself leaking everywhere as Benny’s thrusts became more steadily timed the rhythmic circles moving faster and faster filling him up perfectly.

 

“That-ungh shit, Ben that’s so fucking good. Right there, sweetheart.”

 

“You gonna cum for me baby?” Benny asked, snagging his teeth against Dean’s jaw.  He scooped up Dean’s hands and pinned them down onto the bed above his head.  The sounds of skin against skin and the headboard now hitting the wall he could barely hear anything else.  He did zone in on the grunts and whimpers his boyfriend was now making and knew Dean was close.

 

“So close, Ben...ahhh fuck.” Dean let out an obscene whine as Benny’s hips continued to hammer into him, the force behind his thrusts all but consuming him entirely. He clutched and grabbed at air, almost wish he could get his hands on Benny’s back. He wanted to drag his nails down the sensitive skin and mark him up again, but having his wrists pinned to the bed like the rest of him only made everything more delicious.

 

He felt the tightening of his muscles and the warmth spreading through his middle as he tried to hold on just a little longer, not wanting it to be over just yet. Forcing himself back from the edge a little, Dean grunted. “Oh god, fuck. Fuck Benny, ri-ungh, right fucking there.”

 

Benny thrusted into him a few more times before letting go of his hands to get his own wrapped tightly around Dean’s wet cock.  He let out a shout when Dean’s nails dragged down his back, making his hips stutter just a bit.

 

“Fuck baby, cum for me, let me hear you,” Benny gasped, dragging his thumb hard over the slit and grinning when Dean bucked harshly against him.

 

Dean made a few meager attempts to keep going but everything was too much. The perfect slide of Benny’s massive cock thrusting into him, the feel of warm skin beneath his hands, and Benny’s raw voice telling him to cum. There was no way he could hold off any longer. His hips quaked as the heat swam low in his gut,  it almost felt like Benny had ripped the orgasm from him.

 

He clutched at whatever skin he could find until the pulses of pleasure ebbed out of him entirely and he was left loose limbed and messy. Only barely able to still think Dean tried to coax Benny to follow over the edge, “Now, now Benny, cum for me, Bear.”

 

Benny bellowed out a shout and only lasted maybe a couple more thrusts before he slammed into Dean one last time and spilled into him.  His entire body shook with intensity of it all and it left him gasping for air.  He damn near collapsed but somehow managed to catch himself on his forearms before he completely squashing Dean beneath him.  

 

“Shit baby,” Benny chuckled, pressed his face into Dean’s sweaty neck as they both fought to catch their breaths.  They were sticky and pretty gross but Benny couldn't move for more than one reason.

 

“Ugh, how is it you can do all the work and I'm still exhausted?” He teased, dropping kisses everywhere on the surface of Benny’s face as warm laughter erupted from his chest. His body was loose and lazy with release and he could barely muster the strength to even pull Benny tight against him, the heavy weight on him, familiar and comforting. “I remember I used to be good at this. I think being with you has made me lazy in my old age.”

 

“Dean...you’re only 30,” Benny snickered.

 

“Close enough,” he replied, playfully batting away Benny’s hand as it came up to stroke his cheek.

 

“Starting now, okay well… not now now, but y’know later now,” he paused, his brain was having serious working issues at the moment. Letting out a long breath, Dean tried again. “Starting today, I’m  gonna rock your world for an entire week, you get to lay back and do nothing and I’ll be the one who does all the work, or well most of it. Whaddya say?”

 

“Mmm, I do miss the way you look while riding me sweetheart,” Benny grinned, “I’m gonna do some more hiring and promote Pamela and Lizzy.  I meant it when I said things would be different this time.  If they’re in positions to make decisions without me, I won’t have to be there so much.  Maybe just in the mornings but that’s about it,” Benny bit his lip and cupped the side of Dean’s face.

 

“So to what you’re offering, hell yes.”

 

“Awesome, you are in for so much trouble once I can move again,” Dean laughed, quickly pulling Benny into a kiss. He swallowed the sound of Benny’s deep chuckle and even managed to take control of their kiss. It was slow and tentative, but full of passion and the cocktail of emotions they were both drowning in; love, regret at having spent so much time apart, and sheer gratitude for the knowledge that they’d never have to do it again.


End file.
